I was almost salivating over these books due to their rarity and also their potential to make waves, but as I leafed through them all later that night I became utterly convinced of my position regarding Sathya Sai Baba. Le tme make it very clear; these books (and any other collection of Sai books too) are very useful in their potential, but after overdosing on them in just a couple of hours I became convinced that Sai Baba's books are, to put it mildly, nothing but shallow shit.
I even repeated that term several times today while informing other people of my recent acquisition, highlighting the sugar-coated and saccharine sweetness in these books that can make the reader as sick as a parrot. I was also astounded at myself; how on earth could I ever have fallen for this crap? I was twelve years old when I became a devotee, a mere child, so I guess I could be forgiven for believing in all these Sai fairy stories just as much as a toddler can be forgiven for believing in Santa Claus. But sheesh, how could adults, supposedly rational and sensible, fall for this utterly embarrassing piffle?
A lot of former devotees may have asked themselves this question in many different ways, and I would be interested in hearing how they answered these questions (so please feel free to leave comments at the end of this blog), but it left me feeling an enormous amount of pity for those who still believe in this weakened old man with perverse sexual cravings and a lust for fame. Interestingly enough, I met an old friend today who had been a very close pal when I was a devotee. Because he was with a friend (they are both devotees), I didn't want to make a fuss and so gave him the impression that I was still a devotee. He informed me that even though he is still a devotee, he is less committed and visits Sai Centres on a monthly basis rather than weekly as he used to do. What to speak of the fact that he hadn't been to see Sai Baba since 1997, the year of the first World Youth Conference when we were both there.
Because I was close to this person and am still very fond of him, I decided that should I catch him alone the next time I meet him then I would inform him of my current situation and take him into my confidence. I'd be risking our friendship which is surprisingly still close even though I haven't seen him for about six years, but I'd rather remain committed to my own idea of helping devotees to think critically for themselves about all of the problems surrounding Sai Baba, and to make their own decisions over whether to stay or whether to leave such a pointless lifestyle. Not interested in converting people, but just bringing information that is hidden in plain view and allowing them to think for themselves.
Pointless, because the one thing that I absolutely detest about Sai devotees is their blind faith. Indeed, many pay lip-service to the fact that faith should not be made on a blind basis, but my mother was specifically told by her female compatriots at the ashram that the best thing to do in regards to Sai Baba was to have blind faith in his divinity. Even then I was utterly shocked that supposed long-term ashramites would advise this and I insisted to my mother that such advice was defective and should be rejected. It just goes to show what kind of crazy people (and their crazy opinions) Sai Baba surrounds himself with. What are we supposed to have blind faith in, exactly? How could any rational and reasonable adult believe that a blue light glided into Easwaramma's stomach? Or that Sai Baba never sleeps?
So these books are like I say, more shallow than hollow. Yes these books do present some gems that will prove extremely useful, but after just leafing through all of them I felt like a brain-dead zombie. I guess this is what Sai devotees must feel like inside; zombies, slowly and spookily walking with arms outstretched and hungry to bite every non-zombie they can find in order to make them like themselves.
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